If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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