Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
