I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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