I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
