I wannas sexs uuuuu
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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