I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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