Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
