I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
