dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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