is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
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