If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
