I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
