I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
