just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
