i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
