Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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