So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
