Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
