And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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