I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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