O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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