Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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