Got a toothbrush?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
