i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
