Porn is love you can see.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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