Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
