dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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