Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My life is pants optional.
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