my phone needs a breathalizer
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it hurts more in the daytime
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
