I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
