I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
