Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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