return my video game
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
