I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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