The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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