we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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