tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
