man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
