he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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