yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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