You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have aggressive nipples.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
