I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
