I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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