thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
