thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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