its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
