The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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