i permit you to call me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
