***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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