I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
