dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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