He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize