is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
