I'll bet she douches with gravy.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
