he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
