i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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