dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
