its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
3 2 1 whiskey
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
