shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I need help removing her.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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