oh god the rape fog is back!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize