OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
