Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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