She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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