After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
