listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
