You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
