bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
