I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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