I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
