she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
