My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
