hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
