I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
